I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
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I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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