96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
