thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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