I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
