I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
