dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
