Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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