I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
