I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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