i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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