My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
