Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
