Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
