My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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