Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am one with the molecules
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
