his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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