you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
