i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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