I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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