I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
