There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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