she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
