Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
