How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
