so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
