ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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