Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
