well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
