he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
