I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
