My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
