I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
