So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
