brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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