Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
