I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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