It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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