Whod you bang
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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