He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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