Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
