Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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