Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
