Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She's the barista slut.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
