I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
