My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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