when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
