i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
