okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
