All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How does one acquire holy water?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
