did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
