I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
