I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
