i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
