Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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