dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just pee around me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
