We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
