I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
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i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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