and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
