??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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