How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
