yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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