I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
