Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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