i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
