my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
