worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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