Swine flu. Run for my life!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
