At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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