i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
