these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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