It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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