Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
